Our Supposed War with the Wealthiest 1 Percent

Perhaps you’ve heard the story of the “1 percent tip” left by a restaurant patron in Southern California. Initial reports were that a Newport Beach banker had left a measly $1.33 on a $133 lunch tab, along with a note advising the waitress to “get a real job.”

The photo of the credit card receipt went viral and, according to headlines, rekindled some kind of “class warfare” between America’s 1 percent and the other, less banker-like 99.

Fast-forward a couple of days and it turns out the entire thing was a hoax – the receipt that was originally posted on the blog, Future Ex Banker, had been altered, and the site is no longer live. The waitress actually got quite a healthy tip and no nasty note whatsoever.

When I first heard the story, as a former waitress at a 24-hour diner, I wanted to find this banker myself and dump the biggest blueberry malt I could find right over his entitled head. But as for class warfare? Meh. If we, the 99 percent, were actually planning war with the wealthiest 1percent, then we’re the laziest, most complacent soldiers ever.

I guess what I’m saying is: as much as we claim to despise the rich, and as angry as we get when we think they’ve behaved badly, we sure spend a lot of time worshiping the ground they walk on anyway.

Take the Oscars. Last Sunday, millions of viewers (including moi) spent four whole hours of our lives worshipping Hollywood’s smarmiest 1 percent. “Tonight, enjoy yourselves,” host Billy Crystal said during his opening monologue, “because nothing can take the sting out of the world’s economic problems like watching millionaires present each other with golden statues.”

I’m not saying we’re shallow for watching a bunch of overly-pampered poodles strut around in designer gowns all night, I’m just saying that right now, Angelina Jolie’s right leg (you read that correctly) has its own Twitter account with more than 40,000 followers and counting. Meanwhile, the Oscar-winning, eye-opening documentary Saving Face has only 241.

Angelina’s leg has nothing of value to tell us. Saving Face is about under-reported violence against women in Pakistan. There might be something wrong with those numbers, priority-wise.

I could give more examples of this money-worshipping of which I speak, but instead will just point to the entire E! cable network and leave it at that.

We come by our fascination with wealth honestly. Money is interesting. It buys shiny things. It makes people look like they have their sh*t together even when they don’t. It puts people in public office. When I worked in the newspaper business, my editor told me daily to “follow the money” in my reporting. I made about $12 an hour doing that, but frequently felt like money was running from me pretty darn fast.

I’d love to ask Future Ex Banker just exactly what he was trying to get done with that phony photo. Was he really trying to get us all 99-happy? Did he realize the kind of apathy he was dealing with?  Whatever the case, I really don’t appreciate being awakened from my Oscar dress haze to get all outraged about something that never actually happened.

Maybe next time he wants to motivate people, he should a) post something factual and b) make sure AngiesRightLeg re-Tweets it.

And Future Ex Banker, if you’re ever in Minnesota, feel free to look me up. I have a blueberry malt I’d love to serve you. No tip necessary.

Please click here to find more articles on MeaningfulWomen.com by Caroline Burau.

Caroline Burau is a freelance writer in White Bear Lake, Minnesota, and author of Sugarfiend and Answering 911: Life in the Hot Seat. You can also follow her on Twitter (@carolineburau).