Pretend you were pushed out on to a playing field. Everyone had a ball and was throwing it. It looked like there might be two teams based on there being people in red shirts and blue shirts. You are expected to join in, play the game and win.
But you don’t even know the rules. Or if there are really teams. How do you WIN?
This scenario also often describes women in business. Business is a game – there are rules that are “unspoken” and there is a culture around how business is done. It is not nearly as life or death as the recent blockbuster movie and book series The Hunger Games, but the “business game” can be painful and confusing if you don’t know the rules.
The good news: in business, we can figure out the rules – unspoken or otherwise. In this case, real life experience is going to trump online research and/or a business degree. It isn’t always easy, but when in doubt, ask. Watch and listen. Most importantly, understand it is not personal and don’t make it personal.
1) Watch and Listen: Don’t jump in and start trying to play the game without knowing the rules. Watch the interaction between people and groups. Listen to what they say to each other and about each other. More importantly, watch the body language. I once sat in a meeting where a Director mentioned a branding project that needed funding and I saw the VP roll his eyes. Clearly, he was not a fan of the branding proposal and was tired of hearing about it. That one piece of information told me volumes about their relationship.
2) Ask: Find your trusted advisor. It may not be another woman, but look for the person who seems to understand what is going on and may be able to help answer your questions. This is NOT going to be the loud, overly aggressive type in the meeting room but rather the person who gets things done without a lot of drama. Build a relationship with this individual and over coffee or lunch, ask the questions most troubling to you. For example, “You do a great job of getting your budget requests approved. How do you do it?”
3) It isn’t personal: I sat in a management meeting one day with a group I knew well. However, I had not seen this group interact as “managers” in front of their boss. I was the only woman in a room of about 20 men and they took pot shots at each other all day – sarcastic remarks, teasing, name-calling and very heated debates. I took this all in amazed. I thought these guys were friends! After the meeting I mentioned it to my manager and he was surprised. He didn’t even notice it. Of course they were all friends – they were going out for drinks later that week. However, he couldn’t argue with my observation that they were all competing with each other in front of their boss. The lesson here? Business is business and it is not personal. If someone makes it personal, that is their problem.
Much like Katniss Everdeen in The Hunger Games, you best strategy lies in not rushing out to the playing field and taking and offensive stand. Take the time to get a better understanding of the playing field and the players and what the “real” rules might be. That pause will help you be far more successful in the end.
Please click here to read more articles by Tina Shakour on MeaningfulWomen.com.
Tina Shakour lives in the San Francisco Bay area with her husband Nasir and one very spoiled Shiba Inu named Zuko. She works for the start-up Veetle, and has been an engineer, an Internet TV “personality” and now spends her time loving video, social media and marketing. You can follow her on Twitter (@tinashakour).
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